i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The air was thick with penises
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
