Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
