..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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