1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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