why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
