At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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