I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
