I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
