I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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