i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
