I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
