I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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