Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
