a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
