even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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