I'm drive I can fine osifer
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
