If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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