I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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