ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize