how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
In America we eat man semen.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
