The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
