No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
