Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
