2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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