It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
