i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
