I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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