my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
