Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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