how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
