I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
