I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
