I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
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My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
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The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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