it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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