I'm lost and stupid without you.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Randomize
