Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she smelled like a LAN party
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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