Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Randomize
