did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
