did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
