The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
