When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
