She just used a chaser for red wine.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
