i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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