I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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