I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
