You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Im part way to drunk.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
