Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
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You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
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I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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