you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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