She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
