I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
