I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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