Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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