You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
