how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
