I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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