I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
