He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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