I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Everything about him screamed your future.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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