Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
