omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
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So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
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I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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