Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
