I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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