You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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