OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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