My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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