so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
