Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
