sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
