sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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